Worship

Everything has its own source. And my source is God, the Living God. 

When the sun seems to go down on me, 

He lifts my soul from darkness and fills me up with floods of Joy. 

Kim Walker, in her song How He loves us, she says: "If grace is an ocean, then we're all sinking."

That ocean of Grace is what keeps me alive and I draw from it everyday, all day. 

Worship is my deepest passion. 

More than art. More than life. 

That one passion transcends my human desires and ambitions. 

It's the deepest, most amazing thing that God has given me. 

It's that one thing that I want to do forever....in this life and the next.

Worship gives me life. 

Being able to pour out my deepest affection on God is the most amazing thing in my life! 

And being able to open my mouth and share that life-giving experience with other people is what I live for. 

It's my greatest joy.

So this peace was just about that. That moment of total worship. 

Pouring my heart out to God and Him filling me with His divine joy and peace. 

"Worship"

Oil on Canvas

Senzelumusa Khumalo

April 2010

God still says "LET THERE BE LIGHT" in our darkest moments.

There comes a time in your walk in faith when all that's left is just ......YOU and......GOD.


A time when your church is not there, when your friends can't intervene and your own understanding can't even try to make up a solution for your situation. A time when your creativity or your smart brains are useless tools for the things that matter the most. This is the time when all around you there seems to be darkness that nothing is able to lighten up...when the world seems to SHUT DOWN...

What do you do when in so much darkness?
Where do you turn to find light for your world?

David said:

"Your Word is a lamp unto my feet
and a light for my path."
(Psalm 119:105)

He understood that when his world was dark, only The Word from the Mouth of God could bring light to his darkness. He remembered that in the beginning of everything "God said 'LET THERE BE LIGHT' AND THERE WAS LIGHT (Gen1:3). God's word brought light even from the beginning....

IN THE BEGINNING GOD'S WORD BROUGHT LIGHT INTO BEING.
IN DAVID'S DAYS...GOD'S WORD BROUGHT LIGHT INTO HIS WORLD.
IN MY DARKEST DAYS...GOD'S WORD BRINGS LIGHT INTO MY LIFE.

"Your Word is a lamp unto my feet
and a light for my path."

I say the same...And I testify to that...because so many times...it's the Word OF God and the Word FROM God that brought light into my world when all seemed to shut down. So, if you see me today living life and going crazy about God...it's not that I want to be seen for more than what I am..I just wanna testify about the God whose Word kept me going when all seemed too hard to bear and too complicated to understand.

"Your Word is a lamp unto my feet
and a light for my path."

When there's a lamp down at your feet, you begin to see the little things that were obstacles on your way while you were in darkness...
When there's a light on your path...you see a bigger picture of where you are and where you are going.

So when days get dark...I just fall on my knees and say
"Lord, my world is closing in on me, and it's too dark to see a thing...GIVE ME YOUR WORD...SAY SOMETHING TO ME....for I KNOW THAT WHAT COMES FROM YOUR MOUTH GIVES LIFE...AND YOUR WORD BRINGS LIGHT INTO THE WORLD...Lord, I know that just ONE WORD from Your mouth will bring me light...so Speak Lord....I'm listening and I'm watching your Word bring light into my darkest situation..."

In the beginning, God said "Let there be light" and there was light...He still says that in our darkest moments...let's invite Him to command light to come right in the midst of darkness...

The Word of His mouth brings light...
His very Word is The Light.

"Your Word is a lamp unto my feet
and a light for my path."
-Psalm 119:105

You are my joy!

Your presence silences all my groans

As I call on you in the break of down 

you listen to my voice,

and you don't hesitate to come.

As we walk and talk in the dark

you fill my heart with peace and restore my joy.

Even as I rest in your arms I can't help but sing "you are my joy"

and truly, more than I can say:

You are my joy!

Feb. 20, 2010

Keep me close...

Keep me close...

Now I'm closer than I used to be

All that was in shadows now looks so clear.

I no longer trust in what I heard

'cause the evidence of you is embedded within me.

I've learned things that only close ones get to know:

how to call on you,

how to speak to you, 

how to pray to you.

All the walls that once stood between us have fallen

brick by brick...and now I see your face.

You've become so close I can even touch you

and you touch my soul even deeper than what I've been told.

My heart has never been so full and my soul so secure.

Taking a walk with you under the stars, how intimate!

Dancing in silence when nobody watches, oh what a joy!

Then you whisper into my ears the secretes that only friends do share

and my eyes get filled with tears of joy, I let go of myself.

This love is so pure and too sweet for me to contain

so let me dance to you,

sing to you,

and fill the air with words not known to man.

For mere words can't describe what you are to me

And this connection keeps drawing me in...

So keep me close...

I don't want to let go.....

I don't want to let go.....

I don't want to let go.....

Lord, I don't want to let go.

Feb. 19, 2010

When I was dead...

There was a time when I didn't feel like I was alive...

I went to class...but felt nothing...

I wore my nice clothes but didn't feel anything...

I got good grades in my classes but didn't feel anything...

I laughed but didn't feel anything...

the sun was out but I couln't see it or enjoy it...

when I took a walk at night...I couldn't look at the stars and appreciate their beauty...

everytime I talked to God I was weeping...

everybody else seemed so alive and I wasn't ...

but someday in late October...God freed me...

the next day when I walked out of my room to my class...

I saw the sun...and the day was beautiful.

I could feel myself. I smiled from within...

I remember that my status update for that day was "God Anwers Prayer".

I couldn't stop thanking God!!! I was so happy and so free!!!

When I took a walk that night...I saw the stars...

and I just cried coz God had heard my cry...

He had literally taken all my worries away...when I "cast all my cares on Him.."

Now I'm able to live...to smile...oh to LAUGH...and be fearless...

*tears*

God's been good to me...

I trust HIM...

I love Him...

When He has spoken...

When He has spoken...with His voice so tender and sweet...

His words overflowing with life...reviving the soul.

From the depths of my spirit I cant help but leap for joy,

for one word from Him holds my world in place.

He knows me full well for He is the one who searches me

He is the one who sees my thoughts as they come

and knows my every word before it is spelled out.

When He has spoken...I dare not speak my own mind.

At the sound of His voice...my own understanding cannot stand,

for His voice silences my thoughts...and scatters all doubt and fear.

When He has spoken ...I walk like a king...and speak like a wise man,

for His words make me bold: I roar like a lion and soar like an eagle.

The evil one has lost his grip on me; I will take no word from him.

When God has spoken...the devil's snare causes me no fear

for God's Word casts out all fear.

What He approves of, no man can disapprove.

So, as enemies throw disapproval and disqualification,

I stand tall, for the One above has said Yes.

When He has spoken...I am clothed with strength and Hope.

His love covers me and I know I am safe.

I will not listen to any other...I will hold on to His word;

for when He has spoken, I Know I can't go wrong.

David's Secret conversation with God..

Who wouldn't want to be at your service,

serving the greatest King of all time?

Who wouldn't want to be summoned

into the courts of the mighty king?

But who really wants to bear the burden,

for the burden is too heavy?

"You anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows."

I wrote that,

with my own pen and ink I put it on the scroll

when you anointed me.

But Lord, I'm just a shepherd.

Give me a staff and a flock of sheep

and I'll do that with a smile on my face.

In the wilderness I find my place,

with the trees dancing to the wind

and birds singing in the sky.

I've learned to sing songs of worship on my own,

and recite words of praise to the audience of one.

I've learned to worship even when nobody listens

and to love my flock just as you love me.

But this?

I know

"The Lord is my shepherd

I shall not want."

I wrote that, and every word of it is true.

But this?

Me? A king?

Lord, I'm just a boy, the youngest

and the least favored in my family.

My father didn't even want to mention a thing about me

when you sent a prophet to my house.

Lord, I'm scared.

But again, I trust you.

And this oil that you've poured on me

makes me desire even more to serve you.

so, I will set aside all my fears and I put my trust in you.

"I will fear no evil, for you are with me..."

I wrote that, and Lord I believe it.

Let your will be done...

And since you you want me to lead your people,

I'll be honored to do so, my Lord.

No matter how long it takes,

I believe you, I will be king.

You don't need to be "perfect". You need to be AVAILABLE

Ever wondered why God never used the people who were "perfect" or why He never used the "perfect" things to perform His wonders? I have wondered why and how God would manage to use a thief/a prostitute/ a drunkard/ a persecutor etc....or even a person like me?

This has always fascinated me!

But it's amazing that too many times I've found myself wishing to be perfect in every way....comparing myself to others...

"If only my voice was like that.."

or

"If only I could speak like so and so.."

or

"If only I had a life like that.."

or

"If only I could have a body like that../a smile like that../a life like that../a family like that.."

And saying all these things made me realize that I am so imperfect....when I get this part "kind-of-perfetct"....anot

her thing seems to be imperfect.

Then one day...I was reading my Bible...and I thought to myself..."Give me one perfect person (besides Jesus) that God used throughout the history of humankind..."

And the answer is, I haven't found that person...

I've seen phrases like so and so "...did what was right in the eyes of the Lord.." or "...The Lord was with him..." or so and so "feared God.."

But when you read their stories, you find them to be simple people who sometimes did stupid things (just like me). These people were not always the most beautiful/most handsome or the best at doing good....but still, God used them.

- When God wanted to destroy the world with the flood, He chose Noah...a very nice guy who loved God....but read on...and you'll find him drunk and naked... - that drunkard (Gen. 9:21)

- When God wanted to pass on Abraham's blessing...Jacob (aka Israel) gets the blessing....by stealing it from his brother...But still, God lets him have it....and as you read on, God was with Jacob...he was favored by God at all times... - that cheater. (Gen. 27:21-29)

- When God wanted to rescue His precious people from slavery in Egypt...guess who was chosen?...Moses. Yes, the same Moses who had run away from Egypt because he had killed an Egyptian... - that murderer (Ex.3)

- When God wanted His people to enter into Jericho...and the spies were in danger...guess who He used for the rescue? Rahab...a woman known for giving her body for money.... - that prostitute. (Josh. 2:8-24)

The list is endless...

It goes down to the New Testament.

-Talk about the great apostle Paul...formerly known as persecutor of the church....I don't wanna go there. (Acts 9:1-2)

-Peter...who plainly and publicly disowned Jesus. Ouch! (John18: 15-18; 25-27)

Maybe I should add myself to the list...I may not have killed anybody, or stolen that much, or lied that much or even sold my body to strangers..but I sure am imperfect in many many ways...

Instead of biting myself up for being imperfect, I should just let God have His way in me. In all these individuals whom God used despite the weaknesses and imperfections, I find one common thread: OBEDIENCE...obedience driven by LOVE (childlike LOVE) Love that comes with no self-righteousness.

These people were so imperfect, I wouldn't choose any of them for anything if I were God. "BUT GOD chose the weak things of the world to shame the wise." (1Cor.1:27-28)

So, the next time you see an imperfection in you...don't beat yourself up...yes it's good to desire to be better...and it should be done....but I want you to look at your imperfections in a different way. See them as an opportunity for God to work on you/in you/through you...so He can show off His UNCONDITIONAL love that goes way past your imperfections and weaknesses.

As if using imperfect people wasn't enough...God even used lifeless objects and non-human things to show off His power.

-He used a staff to show off His power before the great Pharaoh in Egypt. What is a staff in a royal palace...couldn't He have used something fancier? (Ex.7:12)

-He used plates of stone to write His law for His people...what? Stone for God's ultimate way of life...God's own law on mere stone..? (Ex. 34:1)

- He used the bronze snake (aka toy snake) to save His people from dying from His anger. Tell me about it...a toy snake...what is that? But it is recorded in the Bible...that snake indeed saved many lives...it didn't do much, it just hung there, but because GOD had chosen it...it did wonders. (Num. 21:8)

-Jesus Himself used His own spit to open eyes (John 9:6). He used water to produce wine (John 2:1-11). He used a donkey (not even a horse) to go to Jerusalem to die for us (Matt. 21: 1-11). To finish off His use of things that seem useless...He made Himself the ultimate sacrifice for all humanity...with a few nails and a rugged cross. (mark 15:25)

So, the next time you feel imperfect...remember that even though we should change for the better, imperfection is an opportunity for God to use you.

Still have flaws? While you're on your way to being better...God still wants to use you along the way. Are you available or you're too sucked in your "imperfections"?

Oh to trust Him More....More....More...(My testimony)

I don't expect anyone to try and finish reading this...but I felt I should write it out anyway. Haha..I know the devil will def. read it to the end and he's gonna hate me more coz this is my testimony...

What he meant for evil...God worked it out for my good. Hallelujah! Rom.8:28

*********************************************************

In the last 4 months, I have gone through the toughest, most uncomfortable position in my life. At first I wanted to run away from all of it, but running away from these things seemed impossible. Infact, all the time it felt like God was saying "won't you just calm down...and know that I am God! I know where all this is going. Just watch and learn." But everytime I tried to calm down...my mind seemed to go crazy! Through all these things, God has asked me this question.."Do you trust me? I know you believe you trust me...but are you willing to lay it all on my hands...and rest assured that I am God and I am able to make good out of any situation?" Then all of a sudden, I realized that all these things are a test...based on the issue of trust. So I decided to take the test.

I told myself, I said "Self, I know you are emotional..and you worry and you want things to be ok all the time; you want things to be simple all the time....but this time around things are not that way. So you'll have to adjust yourself."

I said "Self, you're going to have to shut up now about all these things. I know they seem too bizarre for you but hey, just shut up, trust the driver and enjoy the ride." From then, everytime I felt like losing my mind, I studied God's word. Everytime I felt like screaming I worshiped God. Everytime I felt all alone I sought His presence. And when my hope seemed to be weak, I asked for His strength.

A thousand times I had to force myself to believe that all was taken care of. I later found myself flowing in the "fear not" arena, where I believed from deep within that all things were indeed taken care of (even though on the outside they seemed like they were the same). After a while, I realized that focusing on myself and all the things that are going wrong will not do me any good. Because when you focus on yourself and not God, you stop producing fruit...because the branch has to stick to the Vine to live, remember. And this branch, that is ME, (at that time) was starting to stick to itself...but there was no life in the branch itself. The branch had to stick to the Vine for it to live. Even if there's a wound on the branch, if it sticks to the Vine, it soon heals, because the Vine gives it life. Life flows from the Vine to the branch. After realizing this fact, I started to lose myself. I started seeking God. I went back to just seeking His presence, His anointing, His glory and his power. And then he said to me "I am available to those who seek me...when you seek Me, you will find me."

Woohoo...my life started healing...I started smiling...I started living again. Fresh anointing, fresh manna and glory started pouring on me as I focused on God in the midst of the storms. The devil wasn't happy at all I have to tell you. He threw all sorts of doubts on my mind. He exaggerated and magnified every detail of the problem...but I was too close to God I didn't care what the devil said. God made me take walks with Him every morning after midnight...and He, step by step, renewed me with His Word, His Love and His presence. Later, it seemed like the harder the devil hit me, the closer I got to God...hallelujah!!!! When the devil expected me to sing "inzima lendlela.." I sang "Just to be close to you.." oh Glory to God!!! Whenever I felt the symptoms of depression and fear...I went out and took a walk with God!!!

See, now I realize that even though not all things seem to be solved...all the pressure brought me closer to God. I now trust God more...more...more than ever before because He walked me through phases where I had to develop deeper trust in Him (as a matter of life and death). If He had put me in a situation where I had a choice, I wouldn't have seen so much of His face...and so much of His love and faithfulness. I can testify now that when you go though the fire and hold on to His word even through the pain...He'll show a different side of Him that you have never seen before. He will keep you so amazed you will just ignore what the devil says.

So, today...I am saying..."through it all (indeed) I've learned to trust in God....I've learned to depend upon His word." Not that a problem-free life is bad...but I now realize that the pressure of problems forces you to see more of God...pressure causes you to seek Him more...(that's only if you're commintted to Him though). So, as I close off the books of 2009 I can proudly sing "Oh to trust Him More....More.....More"! Hallelujah!!! Because I trully trust Him more now. Out of these hard situations, God has also brought forth amazing things...miracles....strength....love....joy....peace....hope....laughter....faith....and most importantly in this case...TRUST.

I want to thank all my friends (VERY MUCH)...who have seen me lose my mind...but tolerated me noma kunjalo...who prayed for my faith and strength in God through it all. They never failed to encourage me and just love on me even when I almost gave up. Even when I finally rose again....they rejoiced with me! Portia had to take all the (miserable) live action...coz she LIVES with me...and so she saw ALL the tears....the falling and the rising of Senzy in these past few months. And I'm sure she can testify about God's power and grace that He has shown in my life around her. Thank you Jesus!!!

Songs that played a HUGE role in my faith through all this:

* Healer by Kari Jobe

* Moving Forward by Israel

* Just to be close to you by Mnqobi Nxumalo

* Oh to trust Him more...more...more... by Melinda Watts

* Faith that conquers all by Melinda Watts

* Purpose-driven life by Melinda Watts

Glory to God!!!

"Though He slay me...yet will I trust Him."

Job 13:15

By INcekukazi of the Most High,

Senzy Khumalo

Don't miss the WHOLE POINT.

Whether you win or lose/ succeed or fail/ laugh or cry...doesn't really matter....The most important thing in any situation you face is that you DON'T LOSE YOUR SPIRITUAL STABILITY. Don't let the things you face change you...and take you lower than where you ought to be in your faith.

There are situations in life where you feel like you're right...but at the end you turn out to be wrong. There are also situations where you feel somewhat wrong...but at the end you turn out to be right. Some situations may even be just harmless...they may even seem pointless because they have no frustration involved. In-between the situation and the results you get, you find yourself busy trying to find out whether you're right or wrong...trying to fight the battle between winning and losing...and in the midst of that busyness, you can lose yourself...trying to figure things might distract you from the main point of all that happens. God allows all these circumstances into our lives for a deeper reason than the results we get in the physical realm. See, the WHOLE POINT of encountering any situation (whether good or bad) is not just so you can be right or wrong/ happy or sad/ pass or fail/ win or lose, although these are realities of life...all situations that you as a Christian face are to TEST YOUR INTEGRITY (internal consistency/ inner stability) in your faith/walk with God. Whether you are right or wrong/win or lose/ pass or fail is not the main point. The main point is: throughout your experience in happiness or frustration (regardless of what the outcome is), do your remain in your place in God...or you allow the hype of your circumstances to take over you. That's the main point of all that happens, no matter how big or small. So, I have decided that no matter how much happiness, frustration or pain I face in life....I will keep my focus on my spiritual standing. So, whether I'm right or wrong/ pass or fail/ lose or win/ laugh or cry...I'll focus on keeping my spirit in the right position...because after all this hype of happiness and sadness...the spirit remains...and that's all that matters after all.