Worship

Everything has its own source. And my source is God, the Living God. 

When the sun seems to go down on me, 

He lifts my soul from darkness and fills me up with floods of Joy. 

Kim Walker, in her song How He loves us, she says: "If grace is an ocean, then we're all sinking."

That ocean of Grace is what keeps me alive and I draw from it everyday, all day. 

Worship is my deepest passion. 

More than art. More than life. 

That one passion transcends my human desires and ambitions. 

It's the deepest, most amazing thing that God has given me. 

It's that one thing that I want to do forever....in this life and the next.

Worship gives me life. 

Being able to pour out my deepest affection on God is the most amazing thing in my life! 

And being able to open my mouth and share that life-giving experience with other people is what I live for. 

It's my greatest joy.

So this peace was just about that. That moment of total worship. 

Pouring my heart out to God and Him filling me with His divine joy and peace. 

"Worship"

Oil on Canvas

Senzelumusa Khumalo

April 2010

God still says "LET THERE BE LIGHT" in our darkest moments.

There comes a time in your walk in faith when all that's left is just ......YOU and......GOD.


A time when your church is not there, when your friends can't intervene and your own understanding can't even try to make up a solution for your situation. A time when your creativity or your smart brains are useless tools for the things that matter the most. This is the time when all around you there seems to be darkness that nothing is able to lighten up...when the world seems to SHUT DOWN...

What do you do when in so much darkness?
Where do you turn to find light for your world?

David said:

"Your Word is a lamp unto my feet
and a light for my path."
(Psalm 119:105)

He understood that when his world was dark, only The Word from the Mouth of God could bring light to his darkness. He remembered that in the beginning of everything "God said 'LET THERE BE LIGHT' AND THERE WAS LIGHT (Gen1:3). God's word brought light even from the beginning....

IN THE BEGINNING GOD'S WORD BROUGHT LIGHT INTO BEING.
IN DAVID'S DAYS...GOD'S WORD BROUGHT LIGHT INTO HIS WORLD.
IN MY DARKEST DAYS...GOD'S WORD BRINGS LIGHT INTO MY LIFE.

"Your Word is a lamp unto my feet
and a light for my path."

I say the same...And I testify to that...because so many times...it's the Word OF God and the Word FROM God that brought light into my world when all seemed to shut down. So, if you see me today living life and going crazy about God...it's not that I want to be seen for more than what I am..I just wanna testify about the God whose Word kept me going when all seemed too hard to bear and too complicated to understand.

"Your Word is a lamp unto my feet
and a light for my path."

When there's a lamp down at your feet, you begin to see the little things that were obstacles on your way while you were in darkness...
When there's a light on your path...you see a bigger picture of where you are and where you are going.

So when days get dark...I just fall on my knees and say
"Lord, my world is closing in on me, and it's too dark to see a thing...GIVE ME YOUR WORD...SAY SOMETHING TO ME....for I KNOW THAT WHAT COMES FROM YOUR MOUTH GIVES LIFE...AND YOUR WORD BRINGS LIGHT INTO THE WORLD...Lord, I know that just ONE WORD from Your mouth will bring me light...so Speak Lord....I'm listening and I'm watching your Word bring light into my darkest situation..."

In the beginning, God said "Let there be light" and there was light...He still says that in our darkest moments...let's invite Him to command light to come right in the midst of darkness...

The Word of His mouth brings light...
His very Word is The Light.

"Your Word is a lamp unto my feet
and a light for my path."
-Psalm 119:105

You are my joy!

Your presence silences all my groans

As I call on you in the break of down 

you listen to my voice,

and you don't hesitate to come.

As we walk and talk in the dark

you fill my heart with peace and restore my joy.

Even as I rest in your arms I can't help but sing "you are my joy"

and truly, more than I can say:

You are my joy!

Feb. 20, 2010

Keep me close...

Keep me close...

Now I'm closer than I used to be

All that was in shadows now looks so clear.

I no longer trust in what I heard

'cause the evidence of you is embedded within me.

I've learned things that only close ones get to know:

how to call on you,

how to speak to you, 

how to pray to you.

All the walls that once stood between us have fallen

brick by brick...and now I see your face.

You've become so close I can even touch you

and you touch my soul even deeper than what I've been told.

My heart has never been so full and my soul so secure.

Taking a walk with you under the stars, how intimate!

Dancing in silence when nobody watches, oh what a joy!

Then you whisper into my ears the secretes that only friends do share

and my eyes get filled with tears of joy, I let go of myself.

This love is so pure and too sweet for me to contain

so let me dance to you,

sing to you,

and fill the air with words not known to man.

For mere words can't describe what you are to me

And this connection keeps drawing me in...

So keep me close...

I don't want to let go.....

I don't want to let go.....

I don't want to let go.....

Lord, I don't want to let go.

Feb. 19, 2010

When I was dead...

There was a time when I didn't feel like I was alive...

I went to class...but felt nothing...

I wore my nice clothes but didn't feel anything...

I got good grades in my classes but didn't feel anything...

I laughed but didn't feel anything...

the sun was out but I couln't see it or enjoy it...

when I took a walk at night...I couldn't look at the stars and appreciate their beauty...

everytime I talked to God I was weeping...

everybody else seemed so alive and I wasn't ...

but someday in late October...God freed me...

the next day when I walked out of my room to my class...

I saw the sun...and the day was beautiful.

I could feel myself. I smiled from within...

I remember that my status update for that day was "God Anwers Prayer".

I couldn't stop thanking God!!! I was so happy and so free!!!

When I took a walk that night...I saw the stars...

and I just cried coz God had heard my cry...

He had literally taken all my worries away...when I "cast all my cares on Him.."

Now I'm able to live...to smile...oh to LAUGH...and be fearless...

*tears*

God's been good to me...

I trust HIM...

I love Him...

When He has spoken...

When He has spoken...with His voice so tender and sweet...

His words overflowing with life...reviving the soul.

From the depths of my spirit I cant help but leap for joy,

for one word from Him holds my world in place.

He knows me full well for He is the one who searches me

He is the one who sees my thoughts as they come

and knows my every word before it is spelled out.

When He has spoken...I dare not speak my own mind.

At the sound of His voice...my own understanding cannot stand,

for His voice silences my thoughts...and scatters all doubt and fear.

When He has spoken ...I walk like a king...and speak like a wise man,

for His words make me bold: I roar like a lion and soar like an eagle.

The evil one has lost his grip on me; I will take no word from him.

When God has spoken...the devil's snare causes me no fear

for God's Word casts out all fear.

What He approves of, no man can disapprove.

So, as enemies throw disapproval and disqualification,

I stand tall, for the One above has said Yes.

When He has spoken...I am clothed with strength and Hope.

His love covers me and I know I am safe.

I will not listen to any other...I will hold on to His word;

for when He has spoken, I Know I can't go wrong.

David's Secret conversation with God..

Who wouldn't want to be at your service,

serving the greatest King of all time?

Who wouldn't want to be summoned

into the courts of the mighty king?

But who really wants to bear the burden,

for the burden is too heavy?

"You anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows."

I wrote that,

with my own pen and ink I put it on the scroll

when you anointed me.

But Lord, I'm just a shepherd.

Give me a staff and a flock of sheep

and I'll do that with a smile on my face.

In the wilderness I find my place,

with the trees dancing to the wind

and birds singing in the sky.

I've learned to sing songs of worship on my own,

and recite words of praise to the audience of one.

I've learned to worship even when nobody listens

and to love my flock just as you love me.

But this?

I know

"The Lord is my shepherd

I shall not want."

I wrote that, and every word of it is true.

But this?

Me? A king?

Lord, I'm just a boy, the youngest

and the least favored in my family.

My father didn't even want to mention a thing about me

when you sent a prophet to my house.

Lord, I'm scared.

But again, I trust you.

And this oil that you've poured on me

makes me desire even more to serve you.

so, I will set aside all my fears and I put my trust in you.

"I will fear no evil, for you are with me..."

I wrote that, and Lord I believe it.

Let your will be done...

And since you you want me to lead your people,

I'll be honored to do so, my Lord.

No matter how long it takes,

I believe you, I will be king.

You don't need to be "perfect". You need to be AVAILABLE

Ever wondered why God never used the people who were "perfect" or why He never used the "perfect" things to perform His wonders? I have wondered why and how God would manage to use a thief/a prostitute/ a drunkard/ a persecutor etc....or even a person like me?

This has always fascinated me!

But it's amazing that too many times I've found myself wishing to be perfect in every way....comparing myself to others...

"If only my voice was like that.."

or

"If only I could speak like so and so.."

or

"If only I had a life like that.."

or

"If only I could have a body like that../a smile like that../a life like that../a family like that.."

And saying all these things made me realize that I am so imperfect....when I get this part "kind-of-perfetct"....anot

her thing seems to be imperfect.

Then one day...I was reading my Bible...and I thought to myself..."Give me one perfect person (besides Jesus) that God used throughout the history of humankind..."

And the answer is, I haven't found that person...

I've seen phrases like so and so "...did what was right in the eyes of the Lord.." or "...The Lord was with him..." or so and so "feared God.."

But when you read their stories, you find them to be simple people who sometimes did stupid things (just like me). These people were not always the most beautiful/most handsome or the best at doing good....but still, God used them.

- When God wanted to destroy the world with the flood, He chose Noah...a very nice guy who loved God....but read on...and you'll find him drunk and naked... - that drunkard (Gen. 9:21)

- When God wanted to pass on Abraham's blessing...Jacob (aka Israel) gets the blessing....by stealing it from his brother...But still, God lets him have it....and as you read on, God was with Jacob...he was favored by God at all times... - that cheater. (Gen. 27:21-29)

- When God wanted to rescue His precious people from slavery in Egypt...guess who was chosen?...Moses. Yes, the same Moses who had run away from Egypt because he had killed an Egyptian... - that murderer (Ex.3)

- When God wanted His people to enter into Jericho...and the spies were in danger...guess who He used for the rescue? Rahab...a woman known for giving her body for money.... - that prostitute. (Josh. 2:8-24)

The list is endless...

It goes down to the New Testament.

-Talk about the great apostle Paul...formerly known as persecutor of the church....I don't wanna go there. (Acts 9:1-2)

-Peter...who plainly and publicly disowned Jesus. Ouch! (John18: 15-18; 25-27)

Maybe I should add myself to the list...I may not have killed anybody, or stolen that much, or lied that much or even sold my body to strangers..but I sure am imperfect in many many ways...

Instead of biting myself up for being imperfect, I should just let God have His way in me. In all these individuals whom God used despite the weaknesses and imperfections, I find one common thread: OBEDIENCE...obedience driven by LOVE (childlike LOVE) Love that comes with no self-righteousness.

These people were so imperfect, I wouldn't choose any of them for anything if I were God. "BUT GOD chose the weak things of the world to shame the wise." (1Cor.1:27-28)

So, the next time you see an imperfection in you...don't beat yourself up...yes it's good to desire to be better...and it should be done....but I want you to look at your imperfections in a different way. See them as an opportunity for God to work on you/in you/through you...so He can show off His UNCONDITIONAL love that goes way past your imperfections and weaknesses.

As if using imperfect people wasn't enough...God even used lifeless objects and non-human things to show off His power.

-He used a staff to show off His power before the great Pharaoh in Egypt. What is a staff in a royal palace...couldn't He have used something fancier? (Ex.7:12)

-He used plates of stone to write His law for His people...what? Stone for God's ultimate way of life...God's own law on mere stone..? (Ex. 34:1)

- He used the bronze snake (aka toy snake) to save His people from dying from His anger. Tell me about it...a toy snake...what is that? But it is recorded in the Bible...that snake indeed saved many lives...it didn't do much, it just hung there, but because GOD had chosen it...it did wonders. (Num. 21:8)

-Jesus Himself used His own spit to open eyes (John 9:6). He used water to produce wine (John 2:1-11). He used a donkey (not even a horse) to go to Jerusalem to die for us (Matt. 21: 1-11). To finish off His use of things that seem useless...He made Himself the ultimate sacrifice for all humanity...with a few nails and a rugged cross. (mark 15:25)

So, the next time you feel imperfect...remember that even though we should change for the better, imperfection is an opportunity for God to use you.

Still have flaws? While you're on your way to being better...God still wants to use you along the way. Are you available or you're too sucked in your "imperfections"?