Oh to trust Him More....More....More...(My testimony)

I don't expect anyone to try and finish reading this...but I felt I should write it out anyway. Haha..I know the devil will def. read it to the end and he's gonna hate me more coz this is my testimony...

What he meant for evil...God worked it out for my good. Hallelujah! Rom.8:28

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In the last 4 months, I have gone through the toughest, most uncomfortable position in my life. At first I wanted to run away from all of it, but running away from these things seemed impossible. Infact, all the time it felt like God was saying "won't you just calm down...and know that I am God! I know where all this is going. Just watch and learn." But everytime I tried to calm down...my mind seemed to go crazy! Through all these things, God has asked me this question.."Do you trust me? I know you believe you trust me...but are you willing to lay it all on my hands...and rest assured that I am God and I am able to make good out of any situation?" Then all of a sudden, I realized that all these things are a test...based on the issue of trust. So I decided to take the test.

I told myself, I said "Self, I know you are emotional..and you worry and you want things to be ok all the time; you want things to be simple all the time....but this time around things are not that way. So you'll have to adjust yourself."

I said "Self, you're going to have to shut up now about all these things. I know they seem too bizarre for you but hey, just shut up, trust the driver and enjoy the ride." From then, everytime I felt like losing my mind, I studied God's word. Everytime I felt like screaming I worshiped God. Everytime I felt all alone I sought His presence. And when my hope seemed to be weak, I asked for His strength.

A thousand times I had to force myself to believe that all was taken care of. I later found myself flowing in the "fear not" arena, where I believed from deep within that all things were indeed taken care of (even though on the outside they seemed like they were the same). After a while, I realized that focusing on myself and all the things that are going wrong will not do me any good. Because when you focus on yourself and not God, you stop producing fruit...because the branch has to stick to the Vine to live, remember. And this branch, that is ME, (at that time) was starting to stick to itself...but there was no life in the branch itself. The branch had to stick to the Vine for it to live. Even if there's a wound on the branch, if it sticks to the Vine, it soon heals, because the Vine gives it life. Life flows from the Vine to the branch. After realizing this fact, I started to lose myself. I started seeking God. I went back to just seeking His presence, His anointing, His glory and his power. And then he said to me "I am available to those who seek me...when you seek Me, you will find me."

Woohoo...my life started healing...I started smiling...I started living again. Fresh anointing, fresh manna and glory started pouring on me as I focused on God in the midst of the storms. The devil wasn't happy at all I have to tell you. He threw all sorts of doubts on my mind. He exaggerated and magnified every detail of the problem...but I was too close to God I didn't care what the devil said. God made me take walks with Him every morning after midnight...and He, step by step, renewed me with His Word, His Love and His presence. Later, it seemed like the harder the devil hit me, the closer I got to God...hallelujah!!!! When the devil expected me to sing "inzima lendlela.." I sang "Just to be close to you.." oh Glory to God!!! Whenever I felt the symptoms of depression and fear...I went out and took a walk with God!!!

See, now I realize that even though not all things seem to be solved...all the pressure brought me closer to God. I now trust God more...more...more than ever before because He walked me through phases where I had to develop deeper trust in Him (as a matter of life and death). If He had put me in a situation where I had a choice, I wouldn't have seen so much of His face...and so much of His love and faithfulness. I can testify now that when you go though the fire and hold on to His word even through the pain...He'll show a different side of Him that you have never seen before. He will keep you so amazed you will just ignore what the devil says.

So, today...I am saying..."through it all (indeed) I've learned to trust in God....I've learned to depend upon His word." Not that a problem-free life is bad...but I now realize that the pressure of problems forces you to see more of God...pressure causes you to seek Him more...(that's only if you're commintted to Him though). So, as I close off the books of 2009 I can proudly sing "Oh to trust Him More....More.....More"! Hallelujah!!! Because I trully trust Him more now. Out of these hard situations, God has also brought forth amazing things...miracles....strength....love....joy....peace....hope....laughter....faith....and most importantly in this case...TRUST.

I want to thank all my friends (VERY MUCH)...who have seen me lose my mind...but tolerated me noma kunjalo...who prayed for my faith and strength in God through it all. They never failed to encourage me and just love on me even when I almost gave up. Even when I finally rose again....they rejoiced with me! Portia had to take all the (miserable) live action...coz she LIVES with me...and so she saw ALL the tears....the falling and the rising of Senzy in these past few months. And I'm sure she can testify about God's power and grace that He has shown in my life around her. Thank you Jesus!!!

Songs that played a HUGE role in my faith through all this:

* Healer by Kari Jobe

* Moving Forward by Israel

* Just to be close to you by Mnqobi Nxumalo

* Oh to trust Him more...more...more... by Melinda Watts

* Faith that conquers all by Melinda Watts

* Purpose-driven life by Melinda Watts

Glory to God!!!

"Though He slay me...yet will I trust Him."

Job 13:15

By INcekukazi of the Most High,

Senzy Khumalo

Don't miss the WHOLE POINT.

Whether you win or lose/ succeed or fail/ laugh or cry...doesn't really matter....The most important thing in any situation you face is that you DON'T LOSE YOUR SPIRITUAL STABILITY. Don't let the things you face change you...and take you lower than where you ought to be in your faith.

There are situations in life where you feel like you're right...but at the end you turn out to be wrong. There are also situations where you feel somewhat wrong...but at the end you turn out to be right. Some situations may even be just harmless...they may even seem pointless because they have no frustration involved. In-between the situation and the results you get, you find yourself busy trying to find out whether you're right or wrong...trying to fight the battle between winning and losing...and in the midst of that busyness, you can lose yourself...trying to figure things might distract you from the main point of all that happens. God allows all these circumstances into our lives for a deeper reason than the results we get in the physical realm. See, the WHOLE POINT of encountering any situation (whether good or bad) is not just so you can be right or wrong/ happy or sad/ pass or fail/ win or lose, although these are realities of life...all situations that you as a Christian face are to TEST YOUR INTEGRITY (internal consistency/ inner stability) in your faith/walk with God. Whether you are right or wrong/win or lose/ pass or fail is not the main point. The main point is: throughout your experience in happiness or frustration (regardless of what the outcome is), do your remain in your place in God...or you allow the hype of your circumstances to take over you. That's the main point of all that happens, no matter how big or small. So, I have decided that no matter how much happiness, frustration or pain I face in life....I will keep my focus on my spiritual standing. So, whether I'm right or wrong/ pass or fail/ lose or win/ laugh or cry...I'll focus on keeping my spirit in the right position...because after all this hype of happiness and sadness...the spirit remains...and that's all that matters after all.

Lord, thank you for being "Baby Jesus" just for me...

All pitiful and endearing...

in that Bethlehem rocking stable..

lies the the greatest treasure of all...

Though He seems asleep and his eyes cannot see,

He knows the world in its complexity

for He formed it all in detail before all eternity.

Just as His mother's hands keep Him all safe and sound,

He holds the world in His eternal hand

and keeps it firm in the palm of His strength.

Instead of His heavenly crown and kingly robes,

He chose those rags to keep Him warm in Mary's arms.

Instead of commanding angels and all the powers that be,

He chose to come down and for the first time...cry like a baby.

The Giver of life, the Creator of all things...in all His majesty

chose to come down...and lie in the very arms that He created.

God Almighty...the One who was...is...and is to come...

chose...to become "Baby Jesus" just for me.

Women Loving Jesus

...these are women who never let their lowly status in society hinder their passion for Him.

They broke all the rules just to be close to Him.

Even as He faced death, they wanted more of Him. And so here they are, at the point of His death, still wanting more of Him....

On Friday Morning, as He carried the burden of death upon himself on His way to Calvary...the Women who loved Him were not in their kitchens preparing breakfast for their unbelieving husbands. They were on the way to calvary, wailing for another man, a man named "a criminal" by those who rejected Him. The Women who loved Him never stopped wailing and mourning...for His departure tore them apart. Seeing their teacher, their strength, their comforter and warrior leave them was deep-felt pain. Who else would speak words of life into them? Who else would make them feel safe and secure like Jesus? Who else would love them purely without enticing them into sin? Yes, the one man who was different from all they had met was on His way to death...but that didn't stop them from loving Him and following Him. Down to the foot of the cross they stood...until His final breath they looked up to Him.

Among those who wailed and mourned, was a Woman called Mary...who had borne many burdens concerning Jesus. Even from the day He was conceived...her life broke all the rules. And even though that Jesus had come to die, she hadn't had enough of Him. So, down there....at the foot of the cross....at the feet of His son Jesus...she knelt. Just one more word from his mouth would set her free. So she waited...she waited. Jesus spoke His first final words...they were not to her....but to God. She waited...then Jesus spoke His second final words....still, they were not her...but they were to some criminal on the cross. She waited still...and the third time...she received a word from the Lord. Just that word...no matter how small....she waited on it at the foot of the cross.

As the Lord took His final breath and darkness covered the earth...the Women stood still. Even as people ran away in fear...the Women remained. They stood there as if Jesus would still open His loving eyes and feed their souls with words of life. They hadn't had enough of Jesus.

Even when the good Joseph of Aramathia took Jesus' body for burial, the women went along. They had no task to do...but to watch and see where their savior was laid. Still, they hadn't had enough.

As Sabbath approached, they were not preparing food for the sabbath...they prepared spices for the Lord's body. And after the Sabbath...instead of doing everything else...they woke up early, took their spices and ran to the tomb.

And because they troubled themselves for Jesus...because they never let His death put an end to their passion for Him...because they never let fear hinder their love for Him....they were indeed the first to know and believe that Jesus had risen!!! hallelujah!!!

*****to be contunued*******