Oh to trust Him More....More....More...(My testimony)

I don't expect anyone to try and finish reading this...but I felt I should write it out anyway. Haha..I know the devil will def. read it to the end and he's gonna hate me more coz this is my testimony...

What he meant for evil...God worked it out for my good. Hallelujah! Rom.8:28

*********************************************************

In the last 4 months, I have gone through the toughest, most uncomfortable position in my life. At first I wanted to run away from all of it, but running away from these things seemed impossible. Infact, all the time it felt like God was saying "won't you just calm down...and know that I am God! I know where all this is going. Just watch and learn." But everytime I tried to calm down...my mind seemed to go crazy! Through all these things, God has asked me this question.."Do you trust me? I know you believe you trust me...but are you willing to lay it all on my hands...and rest assured that I am God and I am able to make good out of any situation?" Then all of a sudden, I realized that all these things are a test...based on the issue of trust. So I decided to take the test.

I told myself, I said "Self, I know you are emotional..and you worry and you want things to be ok all the time; you want things to be simple all the time....but this time around things are not that way. So you'll have to adjust yourself."

I said "Self, you're going to have to shut up now about all these things. I know they seem too bizarre for you but hey, just shut up, trust the driver and enjoy the ride." From then, everytime I felt like losing my mind, I studied God's word. Everytime I felt like screaming I worshiped God. Everytime I felt all alone I sought His presence. And when my hope seemed to be weak, I asked for His strength.

A thousand times I had to force myself to believe that all was taken care of. I later found myself flowing in the "fear not" arena, where I believed from deep within that all things were indeed taken care of (even though on the outside they seemed like they were the same). After a while, I realized that focusing on myself and all the things that are going wrong will not do me any good. Because when you focus on yourself and not God, you stop producing fruit...because the branch has to stick to the Vine to live, remember. And this branch, that is ME, (at that time) was starting to stick to itself...but there was no life in the branch itself. The branch had to stick to the Vine for it to live. Even if there's a wound on the branch, if it sticks to the Vine, it soon heals, because the Vine gives it life. Life flows from the Vine to the branch. After realizing this fact, I started to lose myself. I started seeking God. I went back to just seeking His presence, His anointing, His glory and his power. And then he said to me "I am available to those who seek me...when you seek Me, you will find me."

Woohoo...my life started healing...I started smiling...I started living again. Fresh anointing, fresh manna and glory started pouring on me as I focused on God in the midst of the storms. The devil wasn't happy at all I have to tell you. He threw all sorts of doubts on my mind. He exaggerated and magnified every detail of the problem...but I was too close to God I didn't care what the devil said. God made me take walks with Him every morning after midnight...and He, step by step, renewed me with His Word, His Love and His presence. Later, it seemed like the harder the devil hit me, the closer I got to God...hallelujah!!!! When the devil expected me to sing "inzima lendlela.." I sang "Just to be close to you.." oh Glory to God!!! Whenever I felt the symptoms of depression and fear...I went out and took a walk with God!!!

See, now I realize that even though not all things seem to be solved...all the pressure brought me closer to God. I now trust God more...more...more than ever before because He walked me through phases where I had to develop deeper trust in Him (as a matter of life and death). If He had put me in a situation where I had a choice, I wouldn't have seen so much of His face...and so much of His love and faithfulness. I can testify now that when you go though the fire and hold on to His word even through the pain...He'll show a different side of Him that you have never seen before. He will keep you so amazed you will just ignore what the devil says.

So, today...I am saying..."through it all (indeed) I've learned to trust in God....I've learned to depend upon His word." Not that a problem-free life is bad...but I now realize that the pressure of problems forces you to see more of God...pressure causes you to seek Him more...(that's only if you're commintted to Him though). So, as I close off the books of 2009 I can proudly sing "Oh to trust Him More....More.....More"! Hallelujah!!! Because I trully trust Him more now. Out of these hard situations, God has also brought forth amazing things...miracles....strength....love....joy....peace....hope....laughter....faith....and most importantly in this case...TRUST.

I want to thank all my friends (VERY MUCH)...who have seen me lose my mind...but tolerated me noma kunjalo...who prayed for my faith and strength in God through it all. They never failed to encourage me and just love on me even when I almost gave up. Even when I finally rose again....they rejoiced with me! Portia had to take all the (miserable) live action...coz she LIVES with me...and so she saw ALL the tears....the falling and the rising of Senzy in these past few months. And I'm sure she can testify about God's power and grace that He has shown in my life around her. Thank you Jesus!!!

Songs that played a HUGE role in my faith through all this:

* Healer by Kari Jobe

* Moving Forward by Israel

* Just to be close to you by Mnqobi Nxumalo

* Oh to trust Him more...more...more... by Melinda Watts

* Faith that conquers all by Melinda Watts

* Purpose-driven life by Melinda Watts

Glory to God!!!

"Though He slay me...yet will I trust Him."

Job 13:15

By INcekukazi of the Most High,

Senzy Khumalo

Don't miss the WHOLE POINT.

Whether you win or lose/ succeed or fail/ laugh or cry...doesn't really matter....The most important thing in any situation you face is that you DON'T LOSE YOUR SPIRITUAL STABILITY. Don't let the things you face change you...and take you lower than where you ought to be in your faith.

There are situations in life where you feel like you're right...but at the end you turn out to be wrong. There are also situations where you feel somewhat wrong...but at the end you turn out to be right. Some situations may even be just harmless...they may even seem pointless because they have no frustration involved. In-between the situation and the results you get, you find yourself busy trying to find out whether you're right or wrong...trying to fight the battle between winning and losing...and in the midst of that busyness, you can lose yourself...trying to figure things might distract you from the main point of all that happens. God allows all these circumstances into our lives for a deeper reason than the results we get in the physical realm. See, the WHOLE POINT of encountering any situation (whether good or bad) is not just so you can be right or wrong/ happy or sad/ pass or fail/ win or lose, although these are realities of life...all situations that you as a Christian face are to TEST YOUR INTEGRITY (internal consistency/ inner stability) in your faith/walk with God. Whether you are right or wrong/win or lose/ pass or fail is not the main point. The main point is: throughout your experience in happiness or frustration (regardless of what the outcome is), do your remain in your place in God...or you allow the hype of your circumstances to take over you. That's the main point of all that happens, no matter how big or small. So, I have decided that no matter how much happiness, frustration or pain I face in life....I will keep my focus on my spiritual standing. So, whether I'm right or wrong/ pass or fail/ lose or win/ laugh or cry...I'll focus on keeping my spirit in the right position...because after all this hype of happiness and sadness...the spirit remains...and that's all that matters after all.

Lord, thank you for being "Baby Jesus" just for me...

All pitiful and endearing...

in that Bethlehem rocking stable..

lies the the greatest treasure of all...

Though He seems asleep and his eyes cannot see,

He knows the world in its complexity

for He formed it all in detail before all eternity.

Just as His mother's hands keep Him all safe and sound,

He holds the world in His eternal hand

and keeps it firm in the palm of His strength.

Instead of His heavenly crown and kingly robes,

He chose those rags to keep Him warm in Mary's arms.

Instead of commanding angels and all the powers that be,

He chose to come down and for the first time...cry like a baby.

The Giver of life, the Creator of all things...in all His majesty

chose to come down...and lie in the very arms that He created.

God Almighty...the One who was...is...and is to come...

chose...to become "Baby Jesus" just for me.

Women Loving Jesus

...these are women who never let their lowly status in society hinder their passion for Him.

They broke all the rules just to be close to Him.

Even as He faced death, they wanted more of Him. And so here they are, at the point of His death, still wanting more of Him....

On Friday Morning, as He carried the burden of death upon himself on His way to Calvary...the Women who loved Him were not in their kitchens preparing breakfast for their unbelieving husbands. They were on the way to calvary, wailing for another man, a man named "a criminal" by those who rejected Him. The Women who loved Him never stopped wailing and mourning...for His departure tore them apart. Seeing their teacher, their strength, their comforter and warrior leave them was deep-felt pain. Who else would speak words of life into them? Who else would make them feel safe and secure like Jesus? Who else would love them purely without enticing them into sin? Yes, the one man who was different from all they had met was on His way to death...but that didn't stop them from loving Him and following Him. Down to the foot of the cross they stood...until His final breath they looked up to Him.

Among those who wailed and mourned, was a Woman called Mary...who had borne many burdens concerning Jesus. Even from the day He was conceived...her life broke all the rules. And even though that Jesus had come to die, she hadn't had enough of Him. So, down there....at the foot of the cross....at the feet of His son Jesus...she knelt. Just one more word from his mouth would set her free. So she waited...she waited. Jesus spoke His first final words...they were not to her....but to God. She waited...then Jesus spoke His second final words....still, they were not her...but they were to some criminal on the cross. She waited still...and the third time...she received a word from the Lord. Just that word...no matter how small....she waited on it at the foot of the cross.

As the Lord took His final breath and darkness covered the earth...the Women stood still. Even as people ran away in fear...the Women remained. They stood there as if Jesus would still open His loving eyes and feed their souls with words of life. They hadn't had enough of Jesus.

Even when the good Joseph of Aramathia took Jesus' body for burial, the women went along. They had no task to do...but to watch and see where their savior was laid. Still, they hadn't had enough.

As Sabbath approached, they were not preparing food for the sabbath...they prepared spices for the Lord's body. And after the Sabbath...instead of doing everything else...they woke up early, took their spices and ran to the tomb.

And because they troubled themselves for Jesus...because they never let His death put an end to their passion for Him...because they never let fear hinder their love for Him....they were indeed the first to know and believe that Jesus had risen!!! hallelujah!!!

*****to be contunued*******

To The All-Time Artist and Editor-In-Chief of all human effort

Here's my best, my most celebrated work of art with my name underneath.

I've done my best to complete my part, but it still looks incomplete.

I have woven all the threads and have embroided my efforts

but all seems loose and bound to fall apart in time.

so I come to you master of all creation, artist of the universe.

I have acquired skills and have poured out my talents

but still, it lacks something, I needs something more:

that divine artistry of your mind and the signature of your anointing.

For whatever you approve of, and whatever you anoint I can present to kings

So tighten all that's loose, cut out what's hanging and adorn it your way.

For you are known for being the creator of all creativity,

you created the greatest of all artworks by your very own word.

Now I know that from your hand comes only a masterpiece

for I myself am a tread in the greatest of all artworks.

So I will sit here and watch as you edit this piece:

thread by thread, color by color until you say it is complete.

I will sing of your loving kindness forever

I will lift my voice high above all that lives

I will forget myself in your presence

and seek to feel your touch as I lift you up in praise

I will not shut my mouth for as long I live

I will not sop praising you for as long as you reign

let no rock say a word of praise to you while I live

for I will not stop lifting you up above all I know

All Praise and honor belongs to you

and my voice will live to give you that!

when you are silent...

What do I do when you are silent...

when my own voice is what I hear

and the enemy gives suggestions on what matters most?

like a rugged sword cutting in deep...dividing flesh into two

I lose my breath in wonder...When your mouth utters no word

and all I have is what you last said.

What do i do when you're not at our meeting place,

when I call on you and you remain silent

and the winds leave me dry and deeply thirsting?

You know your words comfort me...and your voice strengthens me,

but your silence kills me...and my mind yells confusion without ceasing;

the enemy throws at me doubt and fear-filled thoughts;

My own voice destroys me...Lord, I just wanna hear yours:

just a tender whisper...or the sound of your breath

will keep me alive...it's enough to quiet my own voice

and to keep my thoughts upright.

It's like I'm walking in a barren land,

thirst and hunger overwhelming my being.

My soul thirsts for just a droplet of your words...your hand on my shoulder will do.

A moment in your arms will change it all...

one word from your mouth will change my life.

So I wait until you speak...for I will not walk any further without your touch.

Even though all seems so still,...in you I trust....for I know you'll come.

Fashion Weaving..

First piece from my final project in Design class.

My personal favorite!! Inspired by African textile patterns and fashion..........................(+ my wonderful friends Lol)!

Originally in red, black and white Conte' Crayon, on Watercolor Paper.

The brave girl cries too..

Here it is again..

I never thought I'd have to face it again...and yet here is stands before me.

I'm tempted to fear....but I refuse..yet I can't hold back my tears.

It's hard feeling super smart in the art and writing class

and to feel brainless like a scarecrow when numbers come.

It's hard being a person of words and not numbers

in a world of digits, methods and formulas.

so...in moments like this one, I can't help but cry

for it seems like this is the only thing I can't fix.

The brave girl cries too...for she also has her dumb moments

and right now, she's in one of those...

Nov. 19 2009

Your No.1 Fan

When you speak and nobody listens..

when you sing and nobody swings...

when you lend a hand

and receive no thanks...

when absolutely nobody is a fan of any good you do...

remember this:...

you have your no.1 fan!

He cheers at every good deed

and laughs at every joke you tell.

He enjoys your company more than your best friend

and every song you sing He loves.

He appreciates all your efforts of doing good

and listens to every word you say...

even the groans of your heart he knows very well.

If He were human,

posters of you would cover His walls

but since His love is deep,

He's kept you in Him.

He's proven not to get fed up with you

'cause He's been your no.1 fan from your very first day.

So, when you feel alone with nobody who cares...

remember your no.1 fan who's always there

and will always cheer when you have no fan...

and His name is God,...

the one who completely loves EVERYTHING about you.

....WORD.....

Most Christians ask this question: "How do I hear the voice of the Spirit?"

This is what I know concerning this question:

......WORD.........

......WORD.........

......WORD........

The Spirit feeds on the Word...it's His main diet (that comes along with prayer) and therefore if He is not fed by The Word in You...He won't be able to communicate well with you...He might say something but you won't know...'cause you don't know His language....His language is The Word...so what should you do...."EAT UP THE WORD"!!!!!! The Spirit in you wants to rise up...but you prevent Him bey being not Word oriented!!!

......EAT THE WORD.....

......HUNGER FOR THE WORD......

......THIRST FOR THE WORD......

......SPEAK THE WORD......

......THINK THE WORD......

.......MEDITATE ON IT......

NB: TRUST THE WORD (with everything)

.......ACT THE WORD.......

literally ......BE A WORD FREAK.....go crazy with the Word....

and you'll soon feel like the Spirit keeps having conversations with you...and He will be...if you just learn His language.

Everything has to remain connected to its source to funtion...and because you (as a Christian) were born of The Word....then you Really need to be Connected to your source (THE WORD) to function in your walk with God...coz seriously...God wants to literally walk with you....just let Him....learn His language...He can't wait to have a chit chat with you!!!

REMEMBER: The Holy Spirit is exactly like Jesus...that's why He called Him "another counselor"...coz He's just like Him....Loves teaching, leading, loving, strengthening, guiding,...He loves bringing you closer to God...and He will cause you to do things you never thought you could do etc...ask Peter about the "water walking experience" Lol!

John 16:13..

He is "A GENTLEMAN"

Be blessed as you "EAT UP THE WORD"!!!!!!

Taking a Walk

Oh what a joy it is to walk with you...when nobody else is around,

when the world is in total silence and all I can hear is your voice.

Before the break of dawn my heart longs to hear from you

so I walk...

You and I hand in hand,...the road seems so endless.

Time can't help but stop and just watch as our spirits swing in dance.

It's only you and I...the silent conversations...the spontaneous laughter...

the love the fills the heart...and the joy that permeates the air.

Only the stars watch and the darkness testifies

to this sweet communion: a perfect God loving this imperfect human...

love that goes beyond the stains, love that heals the inward pains.

A God who listens to this simple language of mine

and dares to make His language known to my heart.

Oh how I long to walk with you forever...but morning is here...

so you walk me to bed...and when I dose off...you still watch as I sleep.

Until we take a walk again...I just want to say:

I love you.

I have spoken...

I Have spoken...

Yes I have,

and you have felt the heat of these words.

The warmth in your heart

has caused you to think...

and cry... and smile

and shout...

and laugh out loud.

The words I've spoken have given you hope,

given you joy, peace and growth.

I have spoken life into you

and now you bask in the glory of His love.

You no longer tremble in fear at the presence of the Master

for you have heard of His gentleness and kindness.

you've been hit by fire

from these lips of mine.

You have wished to leap for joy

for these words have made you whole.

With this simple amateur vocabulary

my lips have released fire from on high

quenching your dehydrated soul

and awakening the human spirit into full life.

Yes I have spoken

but not my own words

and not my own ideas

but what you hear is the truth that lives and gives life

I have spoken words so high above me

even I don't comprehend.

I have uttered mysteries beyond human understanding

with these simple lips of mine.

With unsophisticated words I have spoken,

and so I pray.

I pray that nothing vile would ever come out of me

that I may forever speak divine words,

words filled with life and not death.

Words that build up and not break down.

I pray that I may learn this language

the language of truth, the words of life

the truth of His word and the depth of His love.

Yes I have spoken

but truly, it is not I that speaks

but someone in me gives me utterance

He has lodged in me His life-giving mysteries

and His words are perfect and true in every way.

So don't fail to listen

for He who speaks through me is greater

than the image you see.

I'm only just a window

so don't look at me...

look through me

and you'll see His glory revealed.

Yes I have spoken

but truly, these words are not mine

so listen without judgement

listen to the words

and connect with their source...

God.

Knowing God..

Face to Face..

How can you know that God is God when you don't want to experience Him being God? He can't just be God to you just because everybody says so. There comes a time when you have to know that for yourself. How do you get to know God face to face...heart to heart? Trials and tribulations. Problems and tests. These may sound too painfully familiar but they are the gateway to truly getting to know God.

See, when you go through trials and tribulations that's when you get to see who your real friends are. That's when you even get to know who you really are: where you are weak and where you are strong. In the same way, when you are in trouble with God in heart, you get to know Him more and know yourself as well. How can you truly know that God is faithful without having to see Him being just that in your life? How can you contend against someone who stands against that when you have never seen God being faithful to you? You can never have a solid foundation to what you say you know if you haven't really experienced it. "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen". Yes, totally true. But faith needs to be applied for it to work. "Faith without works on its own is dead." That means, you have to take that "substance" and put it into work so that it brings results that prove that the unseen is real. Even though you won't see God, He so desires for you to know Him, to know His power, His love and His presence. He wants us to know Him, and to do that, He wants us to tap into Him so we can come into contact with Him.

Our parents' faith is theirs, they have proofs for what they believe in. But do we have our personal experience with God? have we personally wrestled with God? If so, can we point at the wounds that prove that we've seen and touched Him? The Bible tells us that Jacob wrestled with God through the night until dawn and he thigh was injured. Since then He had a scar that proved his encounter with God. Even though the limping might have hurt, Jacob could testify with confidence that he had come into contact with God. That doesn't have to imply that you have to see God in flesh but you can see Him spiritually by having your spirit deeply confirm that you know Him. The pains we endure in our lives are the chances that God gives us so we can see Him. trials are the moment when we should really get excited because God then comes to show us who He really is to us. In the times when you don't know what to do, He wants to come in and be God, be the one who knows the way out of any situation.

John says " We proclaim to you what we have heard and seen, so that you also may have fellowship with us..." 1John1:3. What do you proclaim? Do you proclaim what you've heard people proclaim? Can you testify to what you proclaim? If you know you have nothing to say that is a testimony to who God is in your life, there's still a chance. You can experience God! Oh How He wants us to allow Him to show Himself to us! He desires more than anything to become so real to us such that we can testify with confidence and no doubts. He wants us to know Him face to face, and that only comes through a heart that seeks Him truly. When you seek God deeply and truly, He never ceases to stop revealing Himself to you. He gives you the desires of your heart just like He promised.

So, won't you allow yourself to experience God for who He really is today? He'll be waiting until you are ready to go deeper into Him.

Boy with red Cheeks

Just a little boy with red cheeks

whose days are spent with a flock of sheep,

Small in size but great at heart

his song with the strings fills the air

with the fragrance of free-spirited sound.

The hills, the mountains and valleys know

that a young man with red chicks 

revives them with the sound of song

with words that go far and beyond.

who has heard the song

at whose sound spirits are stilled,

the song that resounds in the souls

of prophesied royal descendants?

Who has heard the voice 

of a shepherd watching over his flock,

deeply waiting on greater things to come;

the voice so tender and blessed

it's blessing flies in time

to touch generations beyond the eye

with words instilled from above?

Who has seen the hands

that gently sleep on the harp

with the sound of tranquility and peace,

the hands that sought no praise

but take pleasure in service?

Yes, the very hands

that tore the bear apart

and defeated the lion in field.

Nobody has seen

and nobody has known 

that a mighty heart dwells among us,

veiled by age and size

and humbled by birth.

His name was unknown 

and his posture was despised

but today, as the giant lies a corpse

we shout for joy at his name.

Now what was unknown has become known

and the despised has become admired by all

"Long live David"

the king,the warrior the shepherd, the poet, the harpist,

who was once 

just a boy with red cheeks.

-January 25. 2009

I am of heavenly blood line

My life is not defined by the things you see.
It is not controlled by the way I feel.
Even though it may seem ordinary and weak
it is not as simple as many might think.

It flows from the veins o fa long-ago man
whose worth was denied since the ancient age.
His fate was determined by short-sighted brains
and his life was crushed by human hands.

They tore his garments apart and cast lots
while hi bare body hung in shame.
His pierced hands hung in the air
and a painful crown thorned his sinless skull.

As he took his last breath and hung a deserted corpse
the spring of living blood overflowed with hope
and as the hater mocked with laughter
the dead man soared above into heavenly power
and gave birth to a nation of a new blood,
the supernatural blood of heavenly descent.

For the blood of that sinless man
who, now, rules and fills all that exists,
I was born to be a new creation.

Now the world does not understand
how I do the supernatural things I do.
They make false assumptions
and say my explanations are untrue.
They question the fact that
I do all things through Christ who strengthens me,
that I keep still and win all my battles
for no weapon formed against me ever prospers.
They fin it hard to believe that
I am one of a kind, a new creation of royal priesthood
and that I'm a supernatural being with a father in heaven.

So when the argue and think I lie
I prove my case always with my supernatural life
and though I don't even say that much
they shall confess that I'm of heavenly blood line.

-Dec. 28. 2008

It's the little things

It's the smiles, the winks and the waves
that lighten my life's distress.
It's the gentle touch and the words "I care"
that warm up my heart.
It's the "you and me", the "we" the "us"
that make me belong.
It's the things that money can't buy;
it's the little things that brighten my life.

It's the laughter, the joy and the chuckle
that ease the heavy load.
It's the tears and the loving hug of a neighbor
that remind me "somebody cares".
It's the unexpected invite, the call and the visit
that let me know that I'm needed.
It's the things that money can't buy;
it's the little things that brighten my life.

-Dec. 14 . 2008