When I was dead...

There was a time when I didn't feel like I was alive...

I went to class...but felt nothing...

I wore my nice clothes but didn't feel anything...

I got good grades in my classes but didn't feel anything...

I laughed but didn't feel anything...

the sun was out but I couln't see it or enjoy it...

when I took a walk at night...I couldn't look at the stars and appreciate their beauty...

everytime I talked to God I was weeping...

everybody else seemed so alive and I wasn't ...

but someday in late October...God freed me...

the next day when I walked out of my room to my class...

I saw the sun...and the day was beautiful.

I could feel myself. I smiled from within...

I remember that my status update for that day was "God Anwers Prayer".

I couldn't stop thanking God!!! I was so happy and so free!!!

When I took a walk that night...I saw the stars...

and I just cried coz God had heard my cry...

He had literally taken all my worries away...when I "cast all my cares on Him.."

Now I'm able to live...to smile...oh to LAUGH...and be fearless...

*tears*

God's been good to me...

I trust HIM...

I love Him...

When He has spoken...

When He has spoken...with His voice so tender and sweet...

His words overflowing with life...reviving the soul.

From the depths of my spirit I cant help but leap for joy,

for one word from Him holds my world in place.

He knows me full well for He is the one who searches me

He is the one who sees my thoughts as they come

and knows my every word before it is spelled out.

When He has spoken...I dare not speak my own mind.

At the sound of His voice...my own understanding cannot stand,

for His voice silences my thoughts...and scatters all doubt and fear.

When He has spoken ...I walk like a king...and speak like a wise man,

for His words make me bold: I roar like a lion and soar like an eagle.

The evil one has lost his grip on me; I will take no word from him.

When God has spoken...the devil's snare causes me no fear

for God's Word casts out all fear.

What He approves of, no man can disapprove.

So, as enemies throw disapproval and disqualification,

I stand tall, for the One above has said Yes.

When He has spoken...I am clothed with strength and Hope.

His love covers me and I know I am safe.

I will not listen to any other...I will hold on to His word;

for when He has spoken, I Know I can't go wrong.

David's Secret conversation with God..

Who wouldn't want to be at your service,

serving the greatest King of all time?

Who wouldn't want to be summoned

into the courts of the mighty king?

But who really wants to bear the burden,

for the burden is too heavy?

"You anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows."

I wrote that,

with my own pen and ink I put it on the scroll

when you anointed me.

But Lord, I'm just a shepherd.

Give me a staff and a flock of sheep

and I'll do that with a smile on my face.

In the wilderness I find my place,

with the trees dancing to the wind

and birds singing in the sky.

I've learned to sing songs of worship on my own,

and recite words of praise to the audience of one.

I've learned to worship even when nobody listens

and to love my flock just as you love me.

But this?

I know

"The Lord is my shepherd

I shall not want."

I wrote that, and every word of it is true.

But this?

Me? A king?

Lord, I'm just a boy, the youngest

and the least favored in my family.

My father didn't even want to mention a thing about me

when you sent a prophet to my house.

Lord, I'm scared.

But again, I trust you.

And this oil that you've poured on me

makes me desire even more to serve you.

so, I will set aside all my fears and I put my trust in you.

"I will fear no evil, for you are with me..."

I wrote that, and Lord I believe it.

Let your will be done...

And since you you want me to lead your people,

I'll be honored to do so, my Lord.

No matter how long it takes,

I believe you, I will be king.

You don't need to be "perfect". You need to be AVAILABLE

Ever wondered why God never used the people who were "perfect" or why He never used the "perfect" things to perform His wonders? I have wondered why and how God would manage to use a thief/a prostitute/ a drunkard/ a persecutor etc....or even a person like me?

This has always fascinated me!

But it's amazing that too many times I've found myself wishing to be perfect in every way....comparing myself to others...

"If only my voice was like that.."

or

"If only I could speak like so and so.."

or

"If only I had a life like that.."

or

"If only I could have a body like that../a smile like that../a life like that../a family like that.."

And saying all these things made me realize that I am so imperfect....when I get this part "kind-of-perfetct"....anot

her thing seems to be imperfect.

Then one day...I was reading my Bible...and I thought to myself..."Give me one perfect person (besides Jesus) that God used throughout the history of humankind..."

And the answer is, I haven't found that person...

I've seen phrases like so and so "...did what was right in the eyes of the Lord.." or "...The Lord was with him..." or so and so "feared God.."

But when you read their stories, you find them to be simple people who sometimes did stupid things (just like me). These people were not always the most beautiful/most handsome or the best at doing good....but still, God used them.

- When God wanted to destroy the world with the flood, He chose Noah...a very nice guy who loved God....but read on...and you'll find him drunk and naked... - that drunkard (Gen. 9:21)

- When God wanted to pass on Abraham's blessing...Jacob (aka Israel) gets the blessing....by stealing it from his brother...But still, God lets him have it....and as you read on, God was with Jacob...he was favored by God at all times... - that cheater. (Gen. 27:21-29)

- When God wanted to rescue His precious people from slavery in Egypt...guess who was chosen?...Moses. Yes, the same Moses who had run away from Egypt because he had killed an Egyptian... - that murderer (Ex.3)

- When God wanted His people to enter into Jericho...and the spies were in danger...guess who He used for the rescue? Rahab...a woman known for giving her body for money.... - that prostitute. (Josh. 2:8-24)

The list is endless...

It goes down to the New Testament.

-Talk about the great apostle Paul...formerly known as persecutor of the church....I don't wanna go there. (Acts 9:1-2)

-Peter...who plainly and publicly disowned Jesus. Ouch! (John18: 15-18; 25-27)

Maybe I should add myself to the list...I may not have killed anybody, or stolen that much, or lied that much or even sold my body to strangers..but I sure am imperfect in many many ways...

Instead of biting myself up for being imperfect, I should just let God have His way in me. In all these individuals whom God used despite the weaknesses and imperfections, I find one common thread: OBEDIENCE...obedience driven by LOVE (childlike LOVE) Love that comes with no self-righteousness.

These people were so imperfect, I wouldn't choose any of them for anything if I were God. "BUT GOD chose the weak things of the world to shame the wise." (1Cor.1:27-28)

So, the next time you see an imperfection in you...don't beat yourself up...yes it's good to desire to be better...and it should be done....but I want you to look at your imperfections in a different way. See them as an opportunity for God to work on you/in you/through you...so He can show off His UNCONDITIONAL love that goes way past your imperfections and weaknesses.

As if using imperfect people wasn't enough...God even used lifeless objects and non-human things to show off His power.

-He used a staff to show off His power before the great Pharaoh in Egypt. What is a staff in a royal palace...couldn't He have used something fancier? (Ex.7:12)

-He used plates of stone to write His law for His people...what? Stone for God's ultimate way of life...God's own law on mere stone..? (Ex. 34:1)

- He used the bronze snake (aka toy snake) to save His people from dying from His anger. Tell me about it...a toy snake...what is that? But it is recorded in the Bible...that snake indeed saved many lives...it didn't do much, it just hung there, but because GOD had chosen it...it did wonders. (Num. 21:8)

-Jesus Himself used His own spit to open eyes (John 9:6). He used water to produce wine (John 2:1-11). He used a donkey (not even a horse) to go to Jerusalem to die for us (Matt. 21: 1-11). To finish off His use of things that seem useless...He made Himself the ultimate sacrifice for all humanity...with a few nails and a rugged cross. (mark 15:25)

So, the next time you feel imperfect...remember that even though we should change for the better, imperfection is an opportunity for God to use you.

Still have flaws? While you're on your way to being better...God still wants to use you along the way. Are you available or you're too sucked in your "imperfections"?